The Good Ol' days...

He's gone....

The Death of a Blog

This screenshot is from the original game Alan Wake, it seemed to fit the theme of the post here, it's creepy, and dark, like the realization I made.

I made a realization a lot of you have probably already made. I made the realization that, this blog, and all the other blogs I follow on a daily basis, will disappear, in less than 2 months, I don't like that. It scares me to think that it will all be completely obsolete, in a matter of time.

When my blog was one of the things that I have truly enjoyed about this year, it's a horror to see it fade away. I can keep the blog going, but who's to say that I will have an audience anymore? I won't. All who read here now, won't think twice of it soon enough.

It just...leaves a bad feeling in my gut.

How to Be a Tourist.

It's literally, a map....of Tourist Attractions....in Paris.

I thought it was sort of clever.

anyway, How to be a Tourist:

• minimal effort on the journal, DO NOT write in the margins, use color, or make anything look cool, the blander the look, the better.
• ALWAYS turn your journal in late, preferably just after Nelson is done grading all the others.
• Talk in class, especially when Nelson is crying about a poem and how beautiful it is.
• Only write 1 blog post a week, and make sure it's really boring.
• Make sure you don't add any personality to your blog, no music, no quotes, and don't change the background, use the basic ones.
• Walk into class really late, and make as much noise as you can.
• When asked to read something, mumble the entire thing, make no attempt to talk clearly and expressively, Nelson will NEVER ask you to read anything again.
• NEVER comment on other people's blogs, you don't have to, it isn't like Nelson is making us.
• On indie day, don't dress up, you don't want to look stupid in front of everyone, also, make fun of the people who DID dress up, they probably look stupid anyway.
• When Nelson shows a video in class, catch some z's. 
• When doing fun things in class, roll your eyes, and pull out your phone, don't have fun, your better than that.

Follow these steps and you'll be Tourist'ing like a pro!

How to Properly Serve a Watermelon.

This isn't really my post on Instructions, we were just talking about the how to's of things, and I thought it was funny.

(Sorry if you're on the school's network, you might have to do the unthinkable and actually look at blogs at home!)

Failure Isn't So Bad

Hooray!

I'm a quitter, let's get used to the idea.

When things get hard, I quit, because it's probably harder than what it's worth. When things are easy, I quit, because if it's that easy, it's probably not worth doing. I quit when I'm happy, I quit when I'm sad.

I just quit a lot.

I quit trying to justify myself here.

I'm done with this post.

Dream Of The Impossible.

Only in my Dreams....

A Short and Simple Post.

He's never done that before.

I never seen him angry.

Maybe I pushed him a little too far.

Maybe I said more than I should have.

Maybe he wasn't happy.

He was just being a good husband.

I did go a little to far with mom.

It WAS my fault.

But Still,

I've never him like that before.

Thinking About Her Thinking About Me Thinking About Her.

>Totally not concerned about seeming un-manly.

I've been really struggling with this post, because there's just so much that I can say, that I don't want to, or that I just shouldn't say.

Basically, I think about her a lot, and I think about her thinking about me, and I think about her thinking about me thinking about her....and so on and so forth.

Basically, she's on my mind a lot, and I can't help that. She's my friend, but I think about her as more than a friend, but I also think about how weird that is.

I think about what she thinks about, I think about what she thinks about her hair, her eyes, her face. I think about her thinking about her face, does she feel beautiful?

I think about her thoughts and impressions on me, Do I come off as too weird? Am I too out there for her? Does she think of me as a friend, or something else?

You could say, that I think about her, but that is just scratching the surface.

1,000,000 Subscribers for Markiplier!

Markiplier just hit 1,000,000 subscribers this week, and I have to say, I'm so proud of him, and everything he's been able to accomplish. Maybe this doesn't matter to most of the people that read this, but this man is really my hero.

Markiplier isn't just someone I watch avidly, he's a role model. He really has inspired me to be myself, more than anything. It really struck me when he said that, "When I started this channel, I had one subscriber, and that was my best friend." and now he has one million, waiting everyday to see what he is up to. What really strikes me, is that, he said that he has struggled to remain who he is, but he has, whether he has 1 subscriber or 1,000,000 subscribers, he is the same person he always has been. A funny, charming, and easy to be around person.

Well, congratulations Markiplier. I'm really proud of you, buddy.

Markiplier Is At It Again.

I'm going to take a good guess, and assume that nobody that reads this blog has clicked the link to Markiplier's youtube channel, mostly because, well I'm quite certain nobody reads this blog anyway.

That said, I'm going to tell my reader population of 0, to go click on that link now, and go watch the recording of his recent charity live-stream, and if' it's not too much to ask, maybe donate some? I can't honestly imagine, that any would, but just go watch this guy, and show some support, because he's fighting for a good cause.

To some of you, donating might be the most worth while thing you've done with your life.

If you're reading this on a school computer, you're wasting your time with this post.

Markiplier's Youtube Channel:

http://www.youtube.com/MarkiplierGAME

Markiplier's Charity Page Thing:

http://www.extra-life.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=61992

The Day I Became An Adult

Today, is a lovely day, today is my birthday, and today is a special birthday.

Today, I turn the ripe, old, age of 18, An elder among my peers.

Today, I become a true member of society.
Today, I can buy those pilows that are also stuffed animals.
Today, I can buy dry ice, and make a bomb out of it, proving I'm still not mature enough to be allowed to buy stuff like this.
Today, I can go vote, and have my opinion be expressed, just like millions and millions of others.

Yesterday, my opinion didn't matter. I could say what I thought about the president, and it fell on deaf ears, that didn't care, because I couldn't vote, but today, I have eyes all over me, asking how I'm doing, and mentioning that they happen to be running for mayor of Highland City, and that they would really appreciate a vote.

Fat chance, You didn't care about me yesterday, so I don't care about you today.

Maybe they'd tell me to act like a mature adult, and get past things like that. Well, maybe 18 isn't old enough to be considered mature.

I'm still going to hold a grudge.

Don't mess with me, I can make dry ice bombs now. Come at me.

Happy one-year-closer-to-being-dead day.

-Sincerely, The Teenager with an unstable mind, and who is now, one year crazier.
Alan Wake

Mysterious As The Dark Side Of The Mooooooooooooooooooooonnnnn..........

Picture had the moon in it, so I put it here, but really, this is pretty unrelated.

I like the moon, did you know, that I wanted to be an astronaut when I was younger? Funny thing is, now, the prospect terrifies me. Maybe it's because I didn't think about the terrors, the potential problems, the possible life-support failures, or the possibility of blowing up in the atmosphere, I just thought about jumping around on the moon.

I wish that I could aim as high as I did as a child, both figuratively, and literally. I was aiming to the moon, you can't aim much higher than that, and I was aiming to be an astronaut, not many can do that, but I didn't care as a child, I just wanted to be on the moon, now I think of all the dangers, and how few people were ever going to actually be astronauts.

Now, the moon is just a big ball in the sky, when everything else is dark, it shines out pretty bright, and geez, that line sounded like it came from a cheesy action-disaster movie. I've always liked the moon, it's pretty nice, and a lot more subtle than it's day-time counterpart. It doesn't smother the world in it's light, it just sorta....graces, yeah, it graces us, with its light.

so yeah uh....the moon everybody.

This post was totally made up off the top of my head.

Alan Wake Cries About Stuff

I'm about to get a little personal, but I don't care, because you don't know me, so if you can contend with reading about my personal life, it'll all be good.

In short, I've been having some issues with my mother, and I need a place to vent. I'll be honest, I do write here, because I have to, but the things I'm writing about are real, and serious business, especially this. I have had some serious communication issues with my mother, and I want to just let out my thoughts, my feelings, and my frustrations on it.

I can't talk to her anymore, without it escalating to a full-fledged fight, with lots of yelling. It worries me genuinely, that this is what it comes to, everytime. I will say immediately, that there is never any contact, or any kind of other pain involved, it just hurts emotionally. I felt the need to say that so none of my readers end up calling for help on my behalf or my mother's behalf.

I just don't like to fight with her, it severely hurts me inside. I can't talk to her much anymore. I know that she has extremely bad issues with her health, and I know that leads to her being so quiet and irritable, but it's tough for me. I know she has it worse, because her health is just so bad, I can only imagine what she goes through, that she won't tell us....

Thanks for reading about my problems.

Friendship is valuable bros....

Prepare for a cheesy post, don't worry, It'll be brief.

Normally, a post like this one, would make me puke. It'd be stop stupid to me, but I've just BARELY had a serious experience, where I saw two of my best friends tear each other apart. The things they said are too horrible to recite here. It was absolutely brutal.

Friends are a huge deal in a teenagers life, and I never thought this morning, that I was going to to have to watch my friends, tear each other part, like monsters.

I don't have alot to say, other then, appreciate your friends, seriously.

And if you think, I'm spouting nonsense that you've heard before, and you don't wanna listen, that's okay too. That'll be your fault.

Friends are a huge deal...

A Football-playing King in Space...With a Mustache.

I put this here, because I was just looking for an excuse to put pokemon here.

I put this here, because it's true.

Now, I'm not saying, that you can become whatever you want, just by getting a rock thrown at you, but you can understand what I'm trying to say. You saw it too, that scene from Tangled, when all those burly, scary, guys were singing of their dreams. I definitely feel that way. I feel like this person that people would overlook, not willing to listen to my dreams and my desires.

You can really do anything you want to, and I just lost your attention, because you've heard that from your parents, and your teachers, and Dora the Explorer too, but stop and and think, what if it's true? What if that phrase, said a million times before, is true? What does that mean for you?

Well, I have a dream.

I want to be a respected video game designer, I want to make quality games, for the coming generations to play, and enjoy. With a job like that, I wouldn't have to work a day in my life, because I couldn't think of anything I'd want to do more with my life.

So now that you know my dreams, and I've thrown inspirational riff-raff at you, go do what you want, because your going to die anyway. (refer to post below.)

Special props to anyone who knew what the title is from.

It's My Life, and It's Now or Never.

Thanks Bon Jovi, for that title. Now read it, read that quote.

Don't fear death, no reason to fear the inevitable.

"Say it with me now, We're all.... going to die!"
-Amazing Atheist

 I'm a player of horror video games, and an avid player at that. Practically, all horror games deal with the largest fear, the fear of death. Whether you're avoiding a humanoid creature, beaten and scarred, with bleeding eyes, or a malevolent ghost, you are afraid of them for one reason. You don't want to die. You want to win, you want to live, and say that you beat that game.

As I said before, I'm a fan of these kind of games. I know what death is, and I don't want to be graphic, but I've seen all manners of deaths. There are many things far more horrific then death. Death isn't scary, it's a release from your fears and your worries.

Death isn't as scary as living. When you're living, you have to worry about so many different things. When you're dead, you're worrying about nothing, because, your dead.

Now, I don't care what sect, what cult, what religion, you believe in, or if you don't believe in religion at all. We can all come to the agreement, that there is a release from problems in death. It honestly, doesn't seem so bad.

So what now? Just live life. Remember that you're going to die, no running from it. So go on, live life like you want to.

We clear? We clear, now go live life.

All In Due Time.

• I'm going to be strong, physically, and mentally.
• I'm going to laugh in the face of adversary.
• I'm going to stop fearing the stupid.
• I'm going to laugh more.
• I'm going to speak my mind more.
• I'm going to show my opinion.
• I'm going to smile more.
• I'm going to visit Russia.
• I'm going to stop fearing the future.
• I'm going to man up, and play Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs.
• I'm going to man up, and play Outlast, as well.
• I'm going to finish the game project, I've been working on for a year.
• I'm going to be happier.
• I'm going to ask that special one out.
• I'm going to make it happen.

All In Due Time.

There is Nothing to Fear, but Fear Itself, and Spiders, and Needles, and Mannequins, and...........

I'm with Mark here, I'm content to just sit back and watch this, because I don't wanna get in the way of the stuff of nightmares here.

It's time to put on my serious pants now. My recent blogposts, have been......degrading, to what you may have previously thought of me, and I'm not saying at all, that I'm regretting it, but I'm asking you to follow me here, mostly because, fear is a serious thing to me. I dread it, and I thrive upon it, at the same time.

Fear is the driving force, of my dreams, let me tell you a dream I just had this last night. It seemed to be your standard edition zombie apocalypse, and I found refuge in a large bunker, filled with hundreds of people, and although I was safe from the walking dead outside, I was threatened by the people in the only safe haven. I was attacked one night, and walked away alive, but shaken, by a women who wanted me dead. This dream felt real, not like some dreams, where you seem to register the amount of fantasy, I felt as though, this was the life I was living. Back to explaining the dream, I had one friend in this bunker, and he was in charge of making sure the main bunker door, was sealed extra super tight. I went to visit him, like I was sure that I had done every night. To my horror, I found the bunker door wide open, and night had long since fallen. I recalled, or what I felt like I had recalled, that he had talked about leaving the bunker, but I never thought he would do it. Now, I felt sadness at the abandonment of my friend, but then the realization came over me. This door had been open for hours, I glanced around, a large room lay behind me, blanketed by darkness. My legs began to tremble, Something may have found its way in.

Regrettably, the dream ended moments later. In those moments, that I saw the open bunker door, I felt true, intense fear. I have met many teenagers who think that a zombie apocalypse would be fun, and a great way to avoid having to go to school. I want them all to be in the situation that I was in, in that dream. I had never felt so scared in a long time.

That said, fear is something I love, I spend hours upon hours, playing games designed to instill nightmares for weeks on end. I love every moment of it, that feeling that I get, when the creature I've been so desperately trying to avoid, shows it's face, right in front of me, and I've got seconds to react and run, lest I meet a gruesome fate.

One thing is certain about fear, it's not to be played with, I learned a horrible lesson recently. While I love to get scared and feel that anxiety of an impending pulse-pounding moment, there are many who don't, and I thrust upon a significant somebody, an example of such a creature, that I have this strange fascination with, that I love to be scared by, and she didn't like it. Where I thought that I was just sharing a picture, I scarred a friend, and now I know something to truly be afraid of, I know real fear now. I fear of losing somebody that I care for, due to my mistakes.

In closing here, I'm addicted to fear, and really stupid.

Any Questions?

Alan Wake Reacts #1

You now accurately see, how I am around women.

Okay, This is a stupid, pointless, post. if you want a serious post, about my psyche, scroll up, scroll down, there's usually one around here somewhere. This is a little post for me, to vent my thoughts and impressions on stupid stuff like the ones you see above this.

Now let's begin,

Click on the Title to see more!

You Can't Hurt Me Here, But I can't Reach You Here.

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, it's time to vent.

It stands as strong as ever, allowing nothing in. No word, no action, no event, nothing. Nothing passes this, it's a wall, a wall in my heart.

She smashes her words against it, with great force, her actions attempting to crush the barrier, but it doesn't waiver, nor crack, nor faulter.

I stand on the other side, cheering her on, I keep yelling, "Don't quit!" as I slam against the immovable wall.

"I created this, It's a creation of my own design." I keep telling myself, feeling guilty of my actions.

I want to let her in, I want to have that feeling of closeness, I want to destroy this wall as bad as she does, but how can I? I made this wall to be indestructible, and it is.

I give up on my efforts, but I can still hear her trying on the other side.

I look at the only thing written upon this wall, "Bang Head Here
                                                                               ->
I'm happy to oblige.

The Post that Kills any and all Respect for Me.

NIGHTAMRES, LANGUAGE, AND MARKIPLIER!

Okay, I don't know. I just don't. I won't expect all my passer-bys to watch the video, because this kind of stuff isn't for everyone, but this guy is talented. This guy is an idol of mine, and you might have noticed I have his youtube channel linked at the bottom of the page.

Honestly, click the video, he's a let's play youtuber that plays alot of horror, which is my very favorite, so if your feeling like you wanna a scare or two, and definitely a laugh, click the video.

This may introduce you to someone you might like, and enjoy watching.

I may have just lost respect from you all for displaying my personal favorite kind of entertainment.

Comments? shoot, or don't. I dun care.

Lovey Dovey Timey Wimey Wibbly Wobbly....

I'm going to talk about love.

Your face right now, it must be priceless.

Honestly though, we had to know this was coming.

In all honesty though, love is no laughing matter, or is it? Is love something to laugh at?

Don't you ask me what love is, because I don't know. I just know what love feels like. Props to Eminem for those lyrics, whether I meant to quote him there or not.

I've felt love before, I've felt love from my family, my friends, even people I've never met before, surely, people going out and dying for our country and it's people are showing love to each soul in that given country? Now the pressing question, the one you most often think of when love is brought up. Have I ever been in love?

Well, I'll answer that question, in a moment. First, I'd like to explain the difference between love and being in love. Love is a more universal thing, you can show love for everyone, and everything. Love can be show for all man , women, and child. Love can be doing something for a total stranger, showing them that you care about them, regardless of them not knowing you. Being in love, is a bit more exclusive. Being in love is something that you feel when you find that special someone.

Example time? Example time. I'm not going to say whether this is showing love or showing me being in love, mostly due to, I don't know for myself. This is a shout-out to a friend, if you're reading this, you'll know who you are. I sacrificed my own sleep, 2 nights of no sleep, for you. It was fun, if not hard, but I don't regret it.

"Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs."

You've probably read this, and I know the feeling here.

So let's talk love, Leave a comment, or not. I don't really care.

Let's Roll

Another year has come and gone. 12 years ago, tragedy struck the US. I shouldn't talk about it, though. You know as well as I do, and I'm sure you all know of flight 93. The plane that was hijacked, and aimed toward the white house. I want to talk about the civilian heroes on that plane.

You all know the story, but you may not know some of the things they said and did. When the plane was hijacked, they all cried and prayed that they could return home safely. When news that 3 other planes had been crashed into the country's most important structures, it became clear, that they would not touch the ground ever again, not while life courses through them.

They came together, total strangers, never having seen each other before, and they became heroes, heroes like no other. They called their loved ones, saying their final goodbyes, and with one last prayer, to their deity of choice, a man of whom's name escapes me, stood up, knowing that he would never see his baby daughter, and his young wife again, and said, "Let's roll."

They stormed the cockpit, fighting back the Al Queda on the plane, and crashed the plane, knowing that their lives meant little, compared to the lives that would have been lost, had they stood idle.

We can never compare to their courage, their bravery.

"Let's roll."

Two words, uttered millions of times in cheesy saturday morning cartoons, never has felt more inspiring. This man knew he was going to die, and he stood strong, rallying his makeshift militia of total strangers, none of them trained or even thought about being in a dangerous situation.

12 years, it's a long time, but I never want anyone to forget that day, the fear we felt, the hopelessness the country experienced, but also the heroism of those people, people as normal as you and I, banded together and became heroes, heroes far beyond the ones we watch on TV shows. I'm a fan of superhero TV shows and the like, but their bravery can't compare to the real courage shown by these people.

No one, ever forget it, never forget that day 12 years ago, and all the people who displayed acts of infinite courage.

What do you remember of 9/11? leave a comment if you want to.

A Trivial post for Trivial Things.

This is the face of awesome. If awesome had a face, this would be it.

As the name of this post implies, this is a really trivial post. I just wanted to shove some generic questions into this post and answer them, so that you all can get to know some of my favorite things. So, bear with me for a bit here.

What is your Favorites?( Favorite colors, bands, movies, etc.)
Band: Demon Hunter (picture is of one of the band members)
Movie: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Song: Denied-Sonic Syndicate
Video Game: Fallout 3 (this was a HARD question to answer)

What are your future goals?
-I plan to meet someone with whom I'll spend my life with, and hopefully beyond death with.
-I want to pursue a job in video game creation, it's always been my passion, why not a career?
-I plan on traveling to Europe at least once in my life.

What are some of your quirks?
-I'm an Introvert.
-I'm Nerdy as can be.
-I avoid human contact despite the fact I actually enjoy human contact.
-Crown Jewel Quirk: I'm a Brony. (google it)

Wait, Wait, Wait...Your a Brony?!?
-Yes.

You said that picking your favorite video game was hard, are you a gamer/nerd?
-Oh gods, yes.

Other favorite game titles?
-to name a few: Pokemon, Kingdom Hearts, Elder Scrolls(all of them), Halo:Reach(not too big on the others after it), Legend of Zelda.

Oh wow, your nerdy and weirder than I thought you were.
-That's not a question.

Why so serious?
-I don't know, I can come off as extremely serious in my posts, and I made this post with the intention of showing that I can be a little humorous, a little easy-going. I will write about some serious stuff, but I don't want this blog to me, talking about doom, and gloom, and the pits of insanity ALL the time. I'm definitely in the pits of insanity, but I don't always want to talk about it.

There you are, now leave a comment making fun of me, for whatever reason, or if you're feeling nice, and maybe a little bored, leave a question and I'll answer it....most likely.

A Total Title Drop

I want everyone to stop and give this image a good look. For some of you, you may smile, and say, "I remember...", some of you will look at this, and say, " The long hair show? never saw it, but heard about it." and some of you will say, "I have no idea what I'm looking at."

Well, your staring at my entire childhood. My favorite TV show, and the topic of countless days and countless nights of dreams. This is truly when and where Dreams and Reality meets.

Did you catch that? I use the title of this blog for a reason. I was young, I believed that screaming as loud as I could would bring me to accomplish what the heroes of this show would. Many of my fellow human beings dreamed of wearing a cape, flying the sky just as Superman would, but I dreamed of my hair turning yellow and standing on end. I won't deny it, the thought still crosses my mind, never with such the plausibility that it once did, just a passing thought of, "I wish I could..."/

I used to run around my backyard, pretending to bash apart the evil guys that threatened the fate of the world, I would scream and pretend to charge my most powerful laser, and I'd scream out those familiar words all too many times, "Ka....me...ha...me...HA!". I would always scream out the last syllable, as loud as I could, it would make my neighbors look at out me, it would make my dad look at me, thinking I yelled because I fell and hurt myself. I didn't care then, I liked the audience. They were there to watch me vanquish the most powerful enemy in the universe.

What is your favorite TV show? What did you pretend you were when you were young? Leave a comment.

It's an ocean.

"It's not a lake, It's an ocean."
-Alan Wake

I open with that quote from the end of the game, for a reason. Alan is floating in a lake, fueled by nightmares, and in his insanity, he utters those words.

I too, float in an ocean of nightmares, but I'm not unlike anyone else, we all dream, and we all see our fears in our dreams, it's something we share, across all nations, races, and religions, we all dream. It's the most human thing we can do.

Strange to think, that we all are most alike, when we aren't even conscious.

I won't pretend to understand all peoples dreams, but I'd like to talk about my dreams.

I had a dream rather recently, that sticks with me. I watched a little girl die at my feet, and I knew that I loved this girl, but I didn't know why. I knew that she didn't die because of me, but that I could have stopped it. I cried, and awoke in tears, despite not knowing who she was.

Dreaming is humane, we all do it, it's common behavior of our race, but why is it, that I cry over the death of someone I don't know? Is it perhaps due to the bonds we shared as fellow humans, and that, in my state of dreaming, I cared for this girl, simply due to our ties of humanity? Under all our skins, black and white, of the western hemisphere, or of the middle east, do we all want to be at peace, to share those bonds of humanity with each other?

What makes you feel human? Any interesting dreams? I'm always willing to listen to others dreams, it gives you a cryptic sense of a person's true personality. Leave a comment!

Departure

For those of you who understand who Alan Wake is, give me a second, and for those that don't know, I'll explain.

I don't pretend to be Alan Wake, I only use his name due to his style of writing, a type of writing I'm intrigued with, psychological horror. I find his style interesting, and I choose to represent him.

For those that don't know Alan Wake, he is a fictional writer, from the game that shares his name. He is a psychological writer, and has been very successful in his career. The game features this man fighting against his own evil creations that were given life. The story is as intriguing, as the gameplay is fun.

I won't guarantee that I will represent this fictional man to a T, but you may see the similarities, all while spotting the differences in me as compared to him.

I look forward to speaking my mind here, the mind of an insomniac, the mind of an introvert, and the mind of a madman.